Scientology

On a desperate search for the well-known South Park take on Scientology (which is no where to be found on the internet...) I ended up finding out lots of fascinating and sickening facts about the pseudo-religion.

For instance, did you know that Scientology teaches that "spiritual release and freedom" from life's problems can be achieved through one-on-one counseling called auditing, during which members' responses are monitored on an "e-meter," similar to a polygraph. This process, along with a series of training courses, can cost Scientologists many tens of thousands of dollars.

However, a 1971 ruling of the United States District Court, District of Columbia, specifically stated, "the E-meter has no proven usefulness in the diagnosis, treatment or prevention of any disease, nor is it medically or scientifically capable of improving any bodily function."The following disclaimer or similar statements have appeared in Scientology publications in reference to the E-Meter: "By itself, the E-meter does nothing. It is an electronic instrument that measures mental state and change of state in individuals and assists the precision and speed of auditing. The E-Meter is not intended or effective for the diagnosis, treatment or prevention of any disease" and that it is used specifically for spiritual purposes. Therefore: "...Ownership or use of the E-Meter is strictly limited to duly ordained ministers of the Church of Scientology and ministers in training and is otherwise absolutely prohibited."

Another fascinating fact: Scientologists believe that 75,000,000 years ago, the mighty Xenu - a giant alien lizard - ruled our galaxy. Xenu (sometimes Xemu), was an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy." He brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today. Hubbard called these clustered spirits "Body Thetans," and advanced-level Scientologists place considerable emphasis on isolating these alien souls and neutralizing their ill effects.

And the founder? Well there's plenty of horrifying dirt on him here, but here's a sample for you:

"After the war, Hubbard met Jack Parsons, an aeronautics professor at Caltech and an associate of the British Intelligence occultist^[54] Aleister Crowley. Hubbard and Parsons were allegedly engaged in the practice of ritual magick in 1946, including an extended set of sex magic rituals called the Babalon Working, intended to summon a goddess or "moonchild." The Church says Hubbard was working as an ONI agent on a mission to end Parsons' supposed magical activities and to "rescue" a girl Parsons was "using" for supposedly magical purposes. In a 1952 lecture series, Hubbard recommended a book of Crowley's and referred to him as "Mad Old Boy"and as "my very good friend". Hubbard later married the girl he said that he rescued from Parsons, Sara Northrup. Hubbard also described Parsons as his friend in his Scientology lectures rather than a person he was investigating. Crowley recorded in his notes that he considered Hubbard a "lout" who made off with Parsons' money and girlfriend in an "ordinary confidence trick."

Sara Northrup became Hubbard's second wife in August 1946. It was an act of bigamy, as Hubbard had abandoned, but not divorced, his first wife and children as soon as he left the Navy (he divorced his first wife more than a year after he had remarried). Both women allege Hubbard physically abused them. He is also alleged to have once kidnapped Sara's infant, Alexis, taking her to Cuba. Later, he disowned Alexis, claiming he was not her father and that she was actually Jack Parsons' child. Sara filed for divorce in late 1950, citing that Hubbard was, unknown to her, still legally bound to his first wife at the time of their marriage. Her divorce papers also accused Hubbard of kidnapping their baby daughter Alexis, and of conducting "systematic torture, beatings, strangulations and scientific torture experiments."

My final fact: they don't take kindly to criticism.

"On May 12, 2007 Journalist John Sweeney of BBC Panorama made highly critical comments regarding Scientology and its teachings, and further reported that since beginning an extensive investigation he had been harassed, surveilled, and investigated by strangers. Sweeney wrote, "I have been shouted at, spied on, had my hotel invaded at midnight, denounced as a "bigot" by star Scientologists and chased round the streets of Los Angeles by sinister strangers. Back in Britain strangers have called on my neighbors, my mother-in-law's house and someone spied on my wedding and fled the moment he was challenged." In another passage, "He [Scientology representative Tommy Davis] harangued me for talking to […] heretics. I told him that Scientology had been spying on the BBC and that was creepy." And in another passage, "In LA, the moment our hire car left the airport we realized we were being followed by two cars. In our hotel a weird stranger spent every breakfast listening to us."

The Church of Scientology called John Sweeney's documentary (first aired May 14, 2007) into question and produced its own documentary in which it claimed to have documented 154 violations in the BBC's and OfCom's guidelines.

The Church documentary also claimed that the BBC had organized a demonstration outside a Church building in London in order to film it, following which e-mailed anonymous death threats had been made against the Church. The BBC described these allegations as "clearly laughable and utter nonsense" whilst representatives of the picket group stated that the BBC had simply turned up to a scheduled picket date that was part of an ongoing protest since 1996. Sandy Smith, the BBC program's producer, commented that the Church of Scientology has "no way of dealing with any kind of criticism at all."

C'mon Tom - take your best shot.