The Picard song

I present to you the Picard Song! If you have not heard this, then you have not lived. Turn the volume UP!!

A Scientology Timeline

FOUR QUADRILLION YEARS AGO | Incident I

The unsuspecting thetan was subjected to a loud snapping noise and a flood of luminescence, then saw a chariot followed by a trumpeting cherub. The thetan was overwhelmed by darkness. This trauma separated the thetan from it's natural, godlike state.

SEVENTY FIVE MILLION YEARS AGO | Incident II

Teegeeack (Earth), was part of a Galactic Confederacy, over which Xenu reigned. (FYI: Thetan civilization was comparable to our own, with clothes "remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute" and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those "c. 1950, 1960" on Earth).

Fearing a coup, Xenu kidnapped his populace and with the assistance of psychiatrists, paralyzed and froze them. They were taken to Teegeeack for extermination. (FYI: The craft they travelled in would later be subconsciously expressed in the design of the Douglas DC-8, minus the jet turbines.)

Upon arrival, the paralysed thetans were arranged around the bases of volcanoes. Hydrogen bombs were then lowered into the volcanoes and detonated simultaneously. The thetans were blown into the air by the blast. Only a few thetans' physical bodies survived.

Captured by Xenu's forces using an "electronic ribbon", the thetans were then sucked into "vacuum zones" and taken to a type of cinema. Here they were forced to watch a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for thirty-six days. The images they were shown simultaneously implanted "various misleading data", or false memories into their now void minds.


















The lost souls of the thetans, their identities gone, are now believed to be clinging to every living person on present day Earth. Their traumatic past and implanted memories have an adverse affect on all. Only Scientologists, who have performed the necessary steps to remove them, are freed. Only they can save us.

Xenu was eventually overthrown and locked away forever in a mountain, where a force field powered by an eternal battery held him. Earth was abandoned by the Galactic Confederacy yet remains a "prison planet" to this day, and has suffered repeated incursions by alien "Invader Forces" ever since.


FAST FORWARD TO PRESENT | Incident III


















We mourn the loss of Jason Lee.

ADDENDUM

Information found here and here. All quotations are taken directly from the writings and teachings of L. Ron Hubbard. We also highly recommend the viewing of episode 12, season 9 of South Park entitled, "Trapped in the Closet".

Posted by Sam and Bek

THAT type of breakup..

Hubbard of the day?

UK to miss CO2 emissions target

Anyone want to come round to mine tonight?

Stockholm Syndrome

I think that this is the biggest threat to our health nowadays as people show an alarming loyalty to the the state that holds them captive. As it is a self preserving response to identify with that which holds an abusive power over them, we can see why people won't give up their cheap flights... cars... or even their shitty jobs. They invent justification for their submissive behaviour and defend consumerist society, even though it has led to greater dissatisfaction and physical and mental illness due to the unnecessary complications of modern life. We need to simplify. And survive.

More Scientology

You've earned yourself a Greta, to go with that Freedom medal of honour, Tom.

Greta gone wild

Whad I done?

Chinese energy drain

Click for bigger (to see the full extent).

Some Catbuses

and er...

Link goes shopping

Never fear - I've found an alternative energy source!

There is no hope...

...When budget airline chief executive Michael O'Leary is still this deluded:

"Higher oil prices won't end low-fare air travel, it just increases the attraction of Ryanair's guaranteed lowest fares, as consumers become more price sensitive and switch away from high fare/fuel surcharging airlines like BA.

"Higher oil prices will speed up the decline of high-fare shorthaul travel this winter as many European airlines consolidate or go bust.

"The airline industry is cyclical, and this downturn will provide enormous opportunities for strong, well financed airlines, such as Ryanair to grow."

Fail

Posted on behalf of my mum.

L. Ron Hubbard - a hubbard?

A thought just occurred to me. In my family the word 'hubbard' has been assigned to fill the vocabulary void to refer to a person who intervenes in a situation with the intention to help someone, when in fact help isn't needed and often that action will make a situation worse. I can't help but feel like L. Ron's (Elrond?) attempts to improve the condition of the human spirit (or Thetan), is his way of living up to his namesake. "We don't need your help, you hubbard! I was doing much better before - when I had more money!"

Note: You can also use this word as a verb, e.g. "please stop hubbarding!" or "I hope you don't mind but I hubbarded your phone over there".

Scientology

On a desperate search for the well-known South Park take on Scientology (which is no where to be found on the internet...) I ended up finding out lots of fascinating and sickening facts about the pseudo-religion.

For instance, did you know that Scientology teaches that "spiritual release and freedom" from life's problems can be achieved through one-on-one counseling called auditing, during which members' responses are monitored on an "e-meter," similar to a polygraph. This process, along with a series of training courses, can cost Scientologists many tens of thousands of dollars.

However, a 1971 ruling of the United States District Court, District of Columbia, specifically stated, "the E-meter has no proven usefulness in the diagnosis, treatment or prevention of any disease, nor is it medically or scientifically capable of improving any bodily function."The following disclaimer or similar statements have appeared in Scientology publications in reference to the E-Meter: "By itself, the E-meter does nothing. It is an electronic instrument that measures mental state and change of state in individuals and assists the precision and speed of auditing. The E-Meter is not intended or effective for the diagnosis, treatment or prevention of any disease" and that it is used specifically for spiritual purposes. Therefore: "...Ownership or use of the E-Meter is strictly limited to duly ordained ministers of the Church of Scientology and ministers in training and is otherwise absolutely prohibited."

Another fascinating fact: Scientologists believe that 75,000,000 years ago, the mighty Xenu - a giant alien lizard - ruled our galaxy. Xenu (sometimes Xemu), was an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy." He brought billions of people to Earth in spacecraft resembling Douglas DC-8 airliners, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together, stuck to the bodies of the living and continue to do this today. Hubbard called these clustered spirits "Body Thetans," and advanced-level Scientologists place considerable emphasis on isolating these alien souls and neutralizing their ill effects.

And the founder? Well there's plenty of horrifying dirt on him here, but here's a sample for you:

"After the war, Hubbard met Jack Parsons, an aeronautics professor at Caltech and an associate of the British Intelligence occultist^[54] Aleister Crowley. Hubbard and Parsons were allegedly engaged in the practice of ritual magick in 1946, including an extended set of sex magic rituals called the Babalon Working, intended to summon a goddess or "moonchild." The Church says Hubbard was working as an ONI agent on a mission to end Parsons' supposed magical activities and to "rescue" a girl Parsons was "using" for supposedly magical purposes. In a 1952 lecture series, Hubbard recommended a book of Crowley's and referred to him as "Mad Old Boy"and as "my very good friend". Hubbard later married the girl he said that he rescued from Parsons, Sara Northrup. Hubbard also described Parsons as his friend in his Scientology lectures rather than a person he was investigating. Crowley recorded in his notes that he considered Hubbard a "lout" who made off with Parsons' money and girlfriend in an "ordinary confidence trick."

Sara Northrup became Hubbard's second wife in August 1946. It was an act of bigamy, as Hubbard had abandoned, but not divorced, his first wife and children as soon as he left the Navy (he divorced his first wife more than a year after he had remarried). Both women allege Hubbard physically abused them. He is also alleged to have once kidnapped Sara's infant, Alexis, taking her to Cuba. Later, he disowned Alexis, claiming he was not her father and that she was actually Jack Parsons' child. Sara filed for divorce in late 1950, citing that Hubbard was, unknown to her, still legally bound to his first wife at the time of their marriage. Her divorce papers also accused Hubbard of kidnapping their baby daughter Alexis, and of conducting "systematic torture, beatings, strangulations and scientific torture experiments."

My final fact: they don't take kindly to criticism.

"On May 12, 2007 Journalist John Sweeney of BBC Panorama made highly critical comments regarding Scientology and its teachings, and further reported that since beginning an extensive investigation he had been harassed, surveilled, and investigated by strangers. Sweeney wrote, "I have been shouted at, spied on, had my hotel invaded at midnight, denounced as a "bigot" by star Scientologists and chased round the streets of Los Angeles by sinister strangers. Back in Britain strangers have called on my neighbors, my mother-in-law's house and someone spied on my wedding and fled the moment he was challenged." In another passage, "He [Scientology representative Tommy Davis] harangued me for talking to […] heretics. I told him that Scientology had been spying on the BBC and that was creepy." And in another passage, "In LA, the moment our hire car left the airport we realized we were being followed by two cars. In our hotel a weird stranger spent every breakfast listening to us."

The Church of Scientology called John Sweeney's documentary (first aired May 14, 2007) into question and produced its own documentary in which it claimed to have documented 154 violations in the BBC's and OfCom's guidelines.

The Church documentary also claimed that the BBC had organized a demonstration outside a Church building in London in order to film it, following which e-mailed anonymous death threats had been made against the Church. The BBC described these allegations as "clearly laughable and utter nonsense" whilst representatives of the picket group stated that the BBC had simply turned up to a scheduled picket date that was part of an ongoing protest since 1996. Sandy Smith, the BBC program's producer, commented that the Church of Scientology has "no way of dealing with any kind of criticism at all."

C'mon Tom - take your best shot.

Dog vs treadmill

This Modern Love

There's definitely something unique about my generation's attitudes towards relationships and family pursuits (or lack thereof). The 'Noughties' seems to be gearing towards the preservation of the individual. I for one am guilty of this. We're all fucked up and bitter before we've even started and if we're not, we're deeply rooted in our own little ways and are sure as hell not going to let anyone get in the way of that. I mean, who really wants to suffer the difficulties of keeping another person happy? Not to say that no one cares about one another. To the contrary. We're all hopeless romantics, firm fans of Wes Anderson movies, Zach Braff sensitivities and Spaced-style platonic relationships that might be something more. That said, we wouldn't know true love if it walked up to us and introduced itself, and will almost certainly sabotage the whole thing by convincing ourselves that it wasn't working. In fact 'true love' terrifies us because unless we can be certain that it is, it could result in an embarrassing blow to our pride when it falls down around us leaving us feeling vulnerable and laid bare. We know that we are truly unique and yet we still hold out for a partner just like us. Someone who likes the same obscure German expressionist movies, enjoys a bit of jazz, who hates going to the pub, doesn't smoke, likes taking walks in the rain etc. Everyone else is just... well... a disappointment.

Yeah. I'm pretty certain I do.

I think I might have a crush on Edgar Wright

Speaking out on Spaced

I don't know why I wanted to post these. I think it was because it instilled in me a sense of pride and a warm fuzzy feeling on behalf of Simon Pegg, Jessica Stevenson (Hynes) and Edgar Wright...

"The best thing out of England since Winston Churchill." - Seth Rogen (Superbad, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up)

"I laughed hard and I hate comedy." - Judd Apatow (Director of The 40-Year-Old Virgin, Knocked Up)

"Daisy Steiner is a revelation: a female character who isn't an accessory, martyr, one-dimensional fantasy object or humorless foil." "In a world of prefab TV pairs, Tim and Daisy are a miracle: He's an observant, whip-smart geek, she's a slacker-feminist icon, and together, they're as real as it gets." - Diablo Cody (Oscar-winning writer of Juno)

"Innovative. Witty. Hilarious. Spaced is the show we American comedians watch and say 'How the hell did they get away with this?! Spaced is the sole reason I bought an all region DVD player. Now you have no excuse! Buy this and you can officially be cool." - Bill Hader (Superbad, Saturday Night Live)

"Annoyingly good." - Eddie Izzard (The Riches)

"Spaced is a to-be-envied, to-be-cherished blend of pop culture heartbreak and genuine human hilarity. It's also a foolproof Idiot Test. Here's how it works: if someone ever tries to duplicate, replicate, or otherwise re-do this one-of-a-kind show, they're an Idiot! Aren't we all lucky to have such a thing in our world?" - Patton Oswalt (King of Queens, Ratatouille)

"Brilliant! Hilarious! The first TV show to combine my love of Star Wars, Evil Dead, and funny Brits. If I had grown up in England this show would be the documentary of my life... Although I think it already is." - Eli Roth (Cabin Fever, Hostel I & II)

"The wonderfully funny, outrageous and unique British television comedy series that manages to be both insane and sweet at the same time! A very influential show from the guys who gave us Shaun of the Dead" - John Landis (Director of American Werewolf, Blues Brothers)

"Spaced is too smart, too entertaining, and too hilarious for American television. When Americans get a glimpse of this mind-blowing show, they will take to the streets, demanding a reason as to why they've been deprived of Spaced pleasure for so long." - Mike White (Freaks and Geeks, School of Rock)

"The greatest television show in the history of television! The gold standard of geek cool!" - Harry Knowles (Ain't It Cool News)

Found on the wonderful Peggster.net.

Americans must diet to save their economy

Want to save the US economy? Go on a diet.

That's the message ecologists are trying to get across this week. They say the apparently looming energy crisis could be averted if US residents cut their calorie intake.
David Pimentel of Cornell University and colleagues have drawn on an extensive body of existing studies to highlight the wastage in the US food production chain. To bring their point home, they have estimated how much energy could be saved by making a few relatively simple changes to the way corn is produced.
Their conclusion is that energy demands could easily be halved. That could stave off the prospect of further rises in the costs of fuel, they say.
To do that, however, would require a considerable change in the average US diet. The average American consumes about 3747 kcal per day compared to the 2000 to 2500 kcal per day recommended by the US Food and Drug Administration.
The 3747 kcal per day figure does not include any junk food consumed.
Producing those daily calories uses the equivalent to 2000 litres of oil per person each year. That accounts for about 19% of US total energy use.

Go veggie
Using data from the UN Food and Agriculture Organization, Pimentel estimates that half of the energy used to make food in the US is spent making animal products - meat, dairy and eggs. Farmers must produce crops to feed the animals that eventually provide humans with animal protein.
In 2004, Pimentel estimated 6 kilograms of plant protein are needed to produce 1 kg of high quality animal protein. He calculates that if Americans maintained their 3747 kcals per day, but switched to a vegetarian diet, the fossil fuel energy required to generate that diet would be cut by one third.
Reducing their meat intake is not the only way Americans can cut the nation's energy bill. And Pimentel's other suggested change to US eating habits would have the added benefit of cutting the national health bill as well.
In addition to the 3747 kcals, the average American consumes one third of their calories in junk food and Pimentel and colleagues suggest this could be cut by 80% and the total calorie intake be reduced by 30%. That could drastically cut the amount of energy which goes into feeding Americans, as junk food is typically low in calories, but energetically expensive to produce.
For instance, Pimentel calculates that the equivalent of 2100 kcal go into producing a can of diet soda which contains a maximum of 1 kcal. About 1600 kcal go into producing the aluminium can alone.

Article found in the New Scientist. The comments are highly amusing.

Whatever. Do'nt even care about the sign anyways.

P.S. People keep asking if it is pepper spray on my belt. Yes.

This one's for you Jed: skate and destrroooy.

Be Kind Rewind

If you get a chance to see this film I'd highly recommend it. If you're male and you hate Jack Black, I still think you'd like it.

The plot:
Jerry (Black), whose brain becomes magnetized, unintentionally destroys every tape in his friend Mike's (Mos Def) video store. In order to satisfy the store's most loyal renter, an aging woman with signs of dementia (Mia Farrow), the two men set out to remake the lost films, which include Ghost Busters, The Lion King, and Robocop.

Michel Gondry got the entire community of Passaic, New Jersey involved in the making of the film with a lot of the actors and nearly all of the extras being locals. What a guy.

Also: the 'sweded' version of Rush Hour 2: much better than the original.

Check out all the 'sweded' movies here.

Spaced - US version

It looks like Fox is going to plow ahead with their Americanized version of Spaced — but without Simon Pegg or Edgar Wright's involvement. Pegg is none too pleased. Back in October, when the stench of this possible project wafted our way, many of you expressed your own outrage at the prospect of an American version of Spaced, especially one that didn't benefit from Pegg and Wright's creativity, or even their blessing. Now that the pilot is a sure thing, Pegg's indignation at not being consulted — but having his name used in press items about the Fox show — has only increased. To see what he's saying about it, read more.
He recently posted on his website, Peggster.net:

"My main problem with the notion of a Spaced remake is the sheer lack of respect that Granada/ Wonderland/Warner Bros have displayed in respectively selling out and appropriating our ideas without even letting us know. . . It is this flagrant snub and effective vote of no confidence in the very people that created the show, that has caused such affront at our end. If they don't care about the integrity of the original, why call it Spaced? Why attempt to find some validation by including mine and Edgar's names in the press release as if we were involved?"

Why? WHY? Article found here.

Ricky Gervais on fame

By rights Ricky Gervais should be popping up in every American sitcom as a butler, in every Hollywood film as a one-eyed baddie and in so many adverts he's perceived as Linda Barker in a maternity suit.

That's the kind of destiny reserved for British comedians who create a comic character so loved and aped in every continent that they win the highest plaudits the world's award panels can shower on them.

But the fat, pasty-faced bloke from Reading can't play that game. He hates fame, has no need for money and cringes when he is lazily referred to as a genius. To Gervais the one quote that trumps all' the sycophancy was uttered by Clint Eastwood, on behalf of America, when The Office picked up the first of this year's two Golden Globes: "Who the f*** are these guys?" Anonymity, or the little he can steal while trying to take his comedy on to a higher plane, is the state where Gervais wants to live.

His idea of a perfect day is spending eight hours behind his desk in a sparse Soho room, blinds drawn, head down, chiselling out sentences or sorting out admin on his computer. It turns out all he ever wanted to do was work in The Office, "I don't exist to see my fat face popping up everywhere, because I don't think any of us were meant to be famous," he says. "I'd rather come to my office, shut out the world, sweat and get a headache.

"I can't understand why so many people actually like fame. And the frightening thing with most of them is that they're never famous enough. When I've been on the telly I can't wait for all the fuss to die down, so when I'm walking down the street nobody's shouting: 'oi, Ricky' at me. "But most of the these so-called famous people spend their nights zapping the TV control, screaming: 'Come on; I must be on a repeat somewhere.'

"Most kids' ambition today is to have their face recognised. Put the bloke who discovers the cure for Aids next to someone from Hollyoaks and they'd be in awe of the actor from Hollyoaks every time.

Article found here.

The onslaught of post-breakup bitterness and the resulting crushes on the only men that seem nice in the world

But why are they so old?

Sir David Attenborough

Knighted for his outstanding contribution to British television and his efforts in the conservation and documention of the natural world, Sir David Attenborough has long been a hero of mine. He's modest about his knowledge and success and is one of the few remaining 'gentlemen' of our time. He also uses the word 'immense' a highly unprecedented number of times.

I think I might be trapped in the wrong century. I say: bring back men in suits and hats and comb overs. And yes, I'm a feminist, but by all means: hold that door open for me, pull out my chair and lend me your coat.

___________________________________________________

Sir Ian McKellen

Perhaps I find Knighthoods a turn on. Perhaps it's an ill-fated move to have a crush on a gay man who was born in 1939. All I know is that he looks good as a wizard and has an honest, kindly look about him.

It's most unfortunate that X-Men 3 reduced the commanding character 'Magneto' to nothing more than a gang leader with no more presence than 'Shredder' from Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Coincedentally his 'gang' strongly resembled 'Beebop' and 'Rocksteady' - when will Hollywood learn that just because you're 'bad', doesn't mean you have black hair, a piercing and/or a leather coat? I digress... Yes. Sir Ian McKellen is good.

If you wanna be my lover... gotta be born no later than 1940 and have a knighthood.

Sir David Attenborough - this month's SAGA cover star

Thanks Bek!

Wizard traffic control