The onslaught of post-breakup bitterness and the resulting crushes on the only men that seem nice in the world

But why are they so old?

Sir David Attenborough

Knighted for his outstanding contribution to British television and his efforts in the conservation and documention of the natural world, Sir David Attenborough has long been a hero of mine. He's modest about his knowledge and success and is one of the few remaining 'gentlemen' of our time. He also uses the word 'immense' a highly unprecedented number of times.

I think I might be trapped in the wrong century. I say: bring back men in suits and hats and comb overs. And yes, I'm a feminist, but by all means: hold that door open for me, pull out my chair and lend me your coat.

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Sir Ian McKellen

Perhaps I find Knighthoods a turn on. Perhaps it's an ill-fated move to have a crush on a gay man who was born in 1939. All I know is that he looks good as a wizard and has an honest, kindly look about him.

It's most unfortunate that X-Men 3 reduced the commanding character 'Magneto' to nothing more than a gang leader with no more presence than 'Shredder' from Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. Coincedentally his 'gang' strongly resembled 'Beebop' and 'Rocksteady' - when will Hollywood learn that just because you're 'bad', doesn't mean you have black hair, a piercing and/or a leather coat? I digress... Yes. Sir Ian McKellen is good.

If you wanna be my lover... gotta be born no later than 1940 and have a knighthood.